IF (and that’s a big if) England win the World Cup later this year, there’s a good chance we could see all nine of these things happen in the aftermath…

1.Closet fans will appear out of nowhere

Be prepared for the sight of 20 year old knock-off England shirts being dragged out of closets all over the world, as ‘fans’ across the country regale friends with their old rugby glories.

2.George Ford will be proclaimed the messiah

Ford is already widely revered in the English media, but should he steer England to World Cup glory even his dad won’t be able to call him ‘a very naughty boy’

3.The All Blacks will claim it was a fluke

The excuses will be lined up before the final whistle has even blown – whether it be food poisoning or some other ridiculous excuse.


4.English fans will become totally unbearable

Given that England are just about the most vilified national team in world rugby, opposition fans won’t have much fun when they begin gloating.

5.The Telegraph will name a World Cup XV with 14 England players in it

As if they aren’t normally bias enough, the Telegraph will inevitably name a World XV with a token All Black for ‘balance’.

6.Australia will excommunicate themselves from all sports for 12 months

Losing the Ashes and the World Cup to the ‘pomms’ in the space of just a few months will see them disappear into obscurity for a while.


7.Stuart Lancaster might actually crack a smile

He may be just about the most serious man in rugby, but even Lancaster won’t be able to hold back a massive grin if England lift the trophy.

8.Sir Clive Woodward will spend endless hours drawing comparisons with 2003

There’s no doubting Woodward will spend as much time as possible harking back to 2003 and how he set the groundwork for 2015.

9.ITV will produce an outrageously long highlights montage with a dodgy voiceover

Got a spare 100 hours, great because ITV somehow have an England highlights reel that is longer than the actual World Cup.