If you’ve had a bit of time out from playing rugby it’s likely you’ll have noticed all of these things when you finally get back into it again…

1.You suddenly realise you’ve gotten fat, like really fat

Did they shrink these shirts in the wash?

2.Everyone around you seems to have gotten quicker….much quicker

Or is it just that you’ve gotten really slow?

3.There’s a good chance you’ll be asked to play in the front row

For the love of christ make sure you say no though!

4.You never pulled as many muscles “back in the day” as you do now

You’ll suddenly discover ‘muscles’ that you never realised you had.

5.Warm-ups and training become an increasingly rare event

You wouldn’t want to wear yourself out before the game even begins now would you?

6.You are left questioning everyone elses choice of playing attire

Now what colour would you describe those monstrosities as being?


7.You consign yourself to being an ‘impact’ sub for most of the season

Although in fairness you’d probably struggle to make a full 80 anyway.

8.Everyone in the office questions whether you’re the victim of domestic violence

Because you can’t be a***d explaining the cuts, bruises and limp every Monday morning.

9.You’ve never known pain like you now experience the day after a game

Surely it’s not possibly to hurt this much and still be alive?

10.No matter what though you’ll always wonder why you ever stopped

Between the moments of agonising pain you can’t understand why you gave it up!

11.For some reason almost everyone in the team has huge respect for you

Despite never having done anything of note in their presence they still look up to you.

12.You take great pleasure in using your ‘experience’ to gain small advantages

They call it cheating, you call it a competitive advantage…

13.You convince yourself if you’d stuck at it you could of been a pro

If you’d of taken it more seriously of course, you know.