The biggest hit on Saturday in Dunedin wasn’t by England or the All Blacks, but by a big bastard in a blue and yellow visi vest taking out a streaker who had wandered onto the field of play. It turns out the security bloke is a number 8 for a team in the ITM Cup – presumably he thought this might be a good opportunity to show Steve Hansen how exceptionally tough and fearless he is. I imagine if Hansen is ever in need of someone who is man enough to clobber a naked 11 stone chap from behind when he’s not looking then ‘security bully’ will be the first name on the team sheet. The authorities have defended the somewhat over aggressive action by stating that it was essential to ensure that the players were not in danger.


I would have thought that the only risk to the players would have been pissing themselves laughing – the guy was virtually standing still when he was munched and was about as much risk to Manu Tuilagi or Julian Savea as a very annoyed dead sheep. With the current focus on getting concussed on the pitch I suspect that the naked bloke will be under observation for a considerable time – something he has lots of, since he’s been banned from the stadium for a couple of years.


I’m sure players everywhere will be comforted to know that they are protected by security blokes who ‘take no prisoners’. Which is a nice, albeit contrived, segue into the story that there are 89 prisoners still missing from the Ford Open Prison and Spa Hotel – 34 left in 2004 and some have not checked back in since the 70s! These include armed robbers and murderers who are obviously perfectly trustworthy candidates for a place that is about as secure as leaving an unlocked Bentley in Moss Side.  I am aware of the concerns re overcrowding in prisons but leaving the doors unlocked seems a peculiarly novel way to solve the problem. We could of course employ security guards from rugby grounds in New Zealand and send them all off to the NHS with concussion and whiplash. http://extramustard.si.com/2014/06/14/streaker-england-new-zealand-rugby/ http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/video.cfm?c_id=1&gallery_id=143585&gal_objectid=11274501