This is slightly off track from our usual rugby posts but as so many of us rugby players spend so much time in the gym it seems somewhat appropriate, especially as we’ve all played alongside a lot of these people at some point.
The gym is the kind of place you either love or hate (or totally avoid in some cases). Unless you own a home cross trainer or something similar, odds are you are going to go to a public gym, however no matter which gym you go to you will always find the same groups of people every time. Here are the 13 types of people you are guaranteed to find in every gym across the world;
1. The Naked Old Dude
For some reason it seems that as guys age their sense of appropriateness diminishes rapidly, this is no more apparent than in the gym. The Naked Old Dude is the guy who walks around the gym changing room naked as the day he was born and seems to delight in contorting himself into the most awkward of positions so you can see his manhood in all it’s glory.
2. The Yoga Girl
The kind of girl so tight you wonder how she hasn’t ended up prolapsing out of her arse, The Yoga Girl takes great pleasure in flaunting herself often to the detriment of all the other women around her. The Yoga Girl is guaranteed to be wearing yoga pants whether there’s a class on or not although you can guarantee there won’t be a guy in the gym who will complain.
3. The PT (Pervy Trainer)
The Pervy Trainer is the kind of PT who lingers just a little too long when taking client measurements or when using foam rollers. The Pervy Trainer’s client list will be predominantly made up of members of the opposite sex who they will often have doing the kind of sets that require a lot of physical interaction from the PT.
4. The Sweaty One
You can always tell exactly which machines The Sweaty One has been using by the greasy pools of sweat left behind. The Sweaty One is usually a guy (although not exclusively) who shouldn’t go anywhere near the gym without having an adequate supply of towels, yet despite this they seem completely oblivious to their salty deposits.
5. The Kick-(Your)-Ass Girl
This is the kind of girl whose warming up with your PB and who you know wouldn’t hesitate to kick your ass if given the opportunity. The Kick-(Your)-Ass Girl is almost exclusively found in the free weights section of the gym where they set out their no go area as guys watch on in a kind of mesmerised state, not quite sure whether they find it hot or not.
6. The Amateur Trainer
Every gym has one even though nobody wants one, The Amateur Trainer is usually the most out of shape person in the gym yet feels the need to butt in at every opportunity to provide ‘tips’ for everyone else around them. The Amateur Trainer has no concept of personal space and readily interrupt people mid-set.
7. The Beautician
The Beautician is the kind of girl who won’t be seen dead outside the house without a full face of make-up and seems to consider the gym a genuine social event. The Beautician will be at the gym wearing every kind of make-up under the sun whilst it drips down their face onto their brand new top of the range designer-sports gear.
8. The (Leg Day?) Guy
A guy so top heavy it’s unbelievable how he manages not to topple over in a strong gust of wind, The (Leg Day?) Guy spends hours working the beach muscles completely forgetting he should have muscles below his waist. Unfortunately The (Leg Day?) Guy also seems to think he is THE GUY in the gym and usually takes great pleasure in grunting as loudly as possible.
9. The Twins
The Twins are usually a pair of women who seem glued at the hip as soon as they get into the gym. Often the elders of the gym the twins see working out as the new going out for a coffee as they turn a visit to the gym into a full on social event at every occasion.
10. The Full-Kit Guy
For some strange reason certain men, now matter how old they get don’t seem to realise it is no longer appropriate to wear a full-kit after your third birthday. These guys (The Full-Kit Guy’s) can often be found in the gym wearing their teams full-kit (including the long socks).
11. The Newbie
Some people can spend their whole lives going to the gym and yet still be The Newbie as they simply just don’t get it. The kind of person who curls in the squatting rack or who spends longer reading the instructions on a machine than actually performing sets.
12. The Mirror Guy
Some people seem to spend far too long looking at themselves in the mirror than is appropriate, this is The Mirror Guy. Flexing, breathing in and shadowy corners are all weapons in The Mirror Guy’s arsenal as the man in the mirror winks back despite none of the women bothering to.
13. The Weed
Every gym has at least one really skinny guy desperately trying to bulk up. The Weed seems to spend years in the gym without showing any form of improvements despite chugging down three of four protein shakes a day. The Weed is the guy usually lifting a bar stacked way too heavy as it wobbles more than The (Leg Day?) Guy in a stiff breeze.
Which type of gym goer are you?