With the Rugby World Cup just a matter of weeks away, authorities have warned of an influx of ‘fans’ during the tournament.
Men around the world are brushing up on phrases like ‘in at the side’’ and ‘off his feet’ to be thrown around with wild abandonment by pretenders in the hope of concealing rugby ignorance.
Retailers are expecting a boom in shirt sales over the next fortnight as men from around the world attempt to stuff their huge beer guts into professional fitting shirts whilst bandying around phrases like ‘bet you couldn’t bind on this’.
Sports store owner Louis Gundersson has also admitted to ordering in a huge batch of ‘I Heart Rugby’ tees as he looks to capitalise on the expected wave of rugby pretenders coming to his shop on the hunt for new stash to help aid their facade.
Gundersson said “I’m not even much of a rugby fan myself, but you can spot these guys a mile off. They’ve got more money than sense and will pay literally whatever I charge for total c**p if they think it will help them fit in”.
One plastic fan, Danny Toole admitted “I’ve already spent close to £500 on some new kit for the World Cup, I hope if enough people see me in a rugby shirt they might actually believe I’m a fan. I even bought a 2003 World Cup shirt on eBay to help.”
He admitted that “if I keep repeating phrases like McCaw’s offside again, or taking the man in the air, then I think the rugby players at my local pub should believe I’ve always been a fan”.
Danny’s mate Steve added “I’m a big fan of George Farrell, he should be huge for England at the World Cup, I reckon if I mention his name enough, then everyone will believe I’m a big rugby fan”.