A couple of days ago I wrote about a stupid study that proved (?) that you were more likely to be successful getting a shag if you got up early! I thought at the time that it would be hard to find anything less useful. But bugger me (that’s an expression not an invitation btw) if a bunch of blokes in white coats in Texas haven’t come up with something that is of absolutely f**k all interest to just about everyone, but especially rugby players.
It turns out that they’ve been experimenting on worms to come up with a drug that makes them immune to alcohol. To be honest I wasn’t actually aware that worms getting off their faces was that much of a problem – perhaps gangs of pissed invertebrates are hanging about in bars in Houston, starting fights and chucking up in the street. These boffins (buffoons?) now plan to see if they can make it work in humans – the idea being to make it possible for you to neck a dozen pints and vodka chasers without it having any effect.
Maybe I’m being a bit slow here – but who the f**k would be interested in a drug that did that?
Listen up guys – the whole idea of alcohol is to get trollied – if not you might as well neck diet Cokes all night and save yourself a load of dosh! Rugby clubs have long had a tradition of taking round jugs of beer after the game for your own team and the opposition (although not Sidcup, obviously) – I can’t see you getting much of a welcome if you pitch up to a bunch of front rows asking if anyone “fancies a lime and soda”.
Hearing Chunky demand 6 pints of throwing lemonade also has a bit of a wrong feel to it – and would be probably stickier anyway! In Tijuana they flog a tequila with a worm inside it – I can just see the little bastards now – looking at you all cocky as they knock on the glass whilst taunting you with – “See? Nothing”.