Tomorrow’s Mad World

I’ve commented before here about how new technology is being used to monitor, track and play ‘Big Brother’ on today’s players (okay – commented is a bit of a misnomer it should read ‘taken the mickey).

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No matter – it turns out that there’s even more exciting wizardry now available as I’ll explain (take the piss) a little later in this post.

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There was a programme back in the 60s that predicted inventions that would be developed before the end of the century. I can’t remember much about the exact suggestions but I know there were a fair few nutty ideas to do with robotic servants. However, I’m pretty sure they did once say there would be a sort of device you could use out of doors to make local phone calls.

Full marks for that, but they didn’t mention that it would be tiny, would also allow video chatting with your mates, storage of all the essential stuff that you don’t remember (like your shoe size and birthday) plus let you carry your entire record collection and favourite films to work. I know lots of bosses will be really chuffed that everyone now has one and can wander off to the loo for a good gossip with their mate on holiday in Thailand. Expect Walmart to sue Apple Inc. any day now!

The sequel to TW is a programme called ‘Click’ which is shown on the BBC 24 hour News Channel – they show it whenever the permanent half hour news loop gets a bit boring (pretty often then).

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Click is about things that are actually happening as opposed to forecasting that we will all have personal robots to do the laundry and clean out the fluff in our belly buttons. Last week the show had some sporting innovations – these included shirts with monitoring wires for Basketball which didn’t seem all that innovative since they are already used in pro rugby.

Another one was imbedding smart technology in a tennis racket to show where you contacted with the ball and other useful stuff (?). No doubt this will soon be used in golf – to be honest I don’t need a ‘Stephen Hawking’ voice to tell me I only hit it 5 yards or that it’s in the fucking bunker. Although a tracking device in the ball would save me a lot of time as well as a bloody fortune. It would also stop Airdy and Ben getting pissed off whilst I stomp about in the rough.

The best thing on Click though was a new App that lets you order food from the office which is then delivered to your car – the delivery bod presses the App and your boot opens for him to load without you being there.

Now call me a bit of a cynic but it strikes me that there might be quite a few car jackers who will be interested in investing 79p for this App – but what do I know? I promise you I’m not making it up – but it’s only available for Volvo cars presently (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2566930/Now-youll-never-miss-delivery-Volvo-tests-smart-car-delivery-men-access-trunk.html)

So if you’ve got a V40 and fancy a change – get the App, order some bananas and use the insurance money for a nice BMW.

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Anyway – back to the new rugby stuff – in January there was a Wearable Technology Conference in Munich (they may not know much about rugby there but the beer is pretty good) – anyway there were a number of new innovations for our sport were presented.

Before I give you all the details here’s a little quiz – which of these innovations have I made up?

  1. A Concussion Management Sensor
  2. A Rugby Mouthguard hydration Sensor
  3. An Intelligent Rugby Ball
  4. Self- Lacing Boots
  5. Muscle Activity Shirts and Shorts
  6. Shoe Integrated Gait Sensor System

Any ideas?

Well actually they are all real – http://muddyrhino.com/wearable-technology-rugby/

To be honest I think Tomorrow’s World were on to something when they suggested robots who would do everything for us – but I never thought they’d take to the pitch and play so that we could just get pissed on the side lines as they knocked the electrical stuffing out of each other!

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